The Darkness, they’re not. But members of The Prostitutes sure wish they could be.

‘All of us love them,’ said Johnny Kazanjian, a senior English and textual studies major and lead singer of The Prostitutes. ‘They’re not a joke band, they’re only made into a joke because people are afraid to admit what they thought was so cool for so long. It’s back and they’re keeping it real.’

The glam-rock ’80s cover band opened for Catch 22 last night in the Schine Underground in a fit of sparkle makeup, spandex and mic-stand scarves. While the band’s performance was passionate, audience members seemed unprepared for the ‘Kickstart My Heart’ and ‘Every Rose Has Its Thorn’ covers that ensued.

‘They give rock a bad name,’ said Stan Long, a junior computer art major. ‘They were funny, but they didn’t add pizzazz. It didn’t seem like their music was unique in any way. It was more just show or look. There wasn’t enough substance.’

‘They ought to try growing real mullets the next time they give a show,’ said Adam Davison, a junior in the State University of New York College of Environmental Science and Forestry.

Kazanjian, bass player Jarod Bushey, guitarist Sasha Shenoy and drummer Neil Roberts have only been together for a few months but are united by a vision of bringing the past back to life.

‘Sasha and I had been friends for a while, and were sitting in Kimmel one day looking at the toolboxes around us,’ Kazanjian said. ‘We said, ‘This place needs a kick in the balls more than any place we’ve ever seen before.’ We both had sort of a partying problem. Our lives had become the height of decadence. Every weekend we were coming close to the edge. So we said, ‘Fuck it, let’s start an ’80s hair band.”

‘I was sitting in my room quietly one night when Johnny and Sasha came bursting in,’ said Bushey, a senior aerospace engineering major. ‘They broke the news to me that they were forming the ultimate rock ‘n’ roll group ever and needed me for a bass player. Only problem was, I didn’t play the bass. So the next day, I went out and bought a bass, and two weeks later we had our first show.’

The group’s repertoire is based solely on cover songs, and it names Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, Guns N’ Roses, Motley Crue and Kazanjian’s brother Chris among their influences and inspirations. The members, who describe themselves as ‘drunk fucks whom dads hate,’ plan to continue their musical careers as separate entities once they leave Syracuse University.

‘This band was never about goals,’ Kazanjian said. ‘We couldn’t give a shit about the future. Every show could be our last.’

‘I started in music before The Prostitutes,’ Bushey said. ‘This will not be the end of music in my life. I’d like to pursue a career where I get to sing and not play the guitar.’

Like any band, The Prostitutes has had its fair share of wild nights.

‘My most memorable experience was when I almost died with Johnny while locked outside of our house,’ said Shenoy, a senior advertising design major. ‘It was negative-15 degrees outside, after a Valentine’s Day gig that was almost our last. Jared was having sex inside the house and everyone else was passed out. We had to bum it out like a pair of vagabonds in (manager) Meryl Klemow’s hallway.’

Drummer Rob Cortezi of Syracuse metal band Complicity replaced Roberts for last night’s show.

‘Meryl said they were in desperate need of a real drummer,’ said Cortezi, a senior music industry major. ‘I had a day off, so I thought I’d come down here and help my blokes out.’

The band had its ’80s act down pat. Complete with snakeskin pants, Guns N’ Roses T-shirts and studded belts, members strutted, shimmied and shook their way through the seven-song set. Though they put their hearts and bodies on the line, most of the audience was unreceptive to the genre or the gyration.

‘I didn’t like the spandex,’ said Carolina Huignard, an undeclared freshman in The College of Arts and Sciences. ‘They were pretty crappy. They’re trying too hard, and his voice was crap.’

‘They were like rapists. They raped my musical mind with their lack of stage presence,’ said Aaron Fox, a graduate student in the College of Human Services and Health Professions. ‘They actually made me want to stand still.’

Published on March 29, 2004 at 12:00 pm