Caffeine is the opposite of religion. It is Karl Marx’s infamous “opium to the masses.” Adopted by all students who have not tragically drowned in a 20-page paper due, like, yesterday, caffeine ups the ante when the student body is so sleepy it puts Snow White’s dwarfs to shame.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and exam season is such a moment. But no matter how stressed you are, caffeine should be used with caution. Abusing your body with a caffeine overdose in order to get things done is a health nightmare waiting to happen.

There is nothing like the aroma of a dry roasted bean or two, but I could do without drinking coffee, unless it’s doused in a severe pump of vanilla syrup. But while falling asleep at 11 a.m. writing this column, even I contemplated a legal high.

In humans, assuming you aren’t a zombie now, caffeine stimulates the central nervous system, warding off sleepiness and providing a temporary semblance of alertness: emphasis on temporary.

Sangeetha Shanmugham, a first-year graduate student in media studies, is powering through exam and presentation season doing the caffeine can-can. Yesterday, five Starbucks grande-sized coffees got her through a presentation on, ironically, coffee.

“It has a strong impact on me. … I haven’t crashed yet. I had one cup this morning and I’m still going strong,” she said, accompanying this statement with an emphatic hand gesture.

According to the Everydiet website, the effects of caffeine consumption can be felt within 15 minutes and are completely absorbed in the intestine in 45 minutes. Caffeine is also a diuretic, meaning you can expect to need the bathroom a lot more than normal if your intake is up.

And while it pumps you up momentarily, consuming excessive caffeine can cause accelerated heart rate, tremors and nausea, according to the U.S. National Library of Medicine website.

But what’s classified as excessive?

Three 8-ounce cups is normal, according to the American Medical Association Council on Scientific Affairs; 10 8-ounce cups is excessive. For those that deal in Starbucks, a short is 8 ounces, a tall 12 ounces, a grande 16 ounces and a venti 20 ounces. For Dunkin’ drinkers, a small is 10 ounces, a medium 14 ounces and a large 20 ounces.

In a 16-ounce Starbucks cup, there’s 150 milligrams of caffeine in a latte and 330 milligrams in brewed coffee. In comparison, an 8.4-ounce can of Red Bull contains 80 milligrams of caffeine and a 12-ounce bottle of Cola holds 35 milligrams.

Bear in mind the additional health issues with downing eggnog lattes at three-hour intervals. A grande festive latte with nonfat milk contains 440 calories, without cream. Syrup is a calorie criminal at Starbucks, adding about 40 calories a pump. Words of calorie caution are also extended to excessive soda and energy drink consumption, unless it’s the diet variety.

And don’t forget the health of your wallet. You won’t get much change from a $20 bill if you buy five coffees a day. Ah, the cost of convenience. When time isn’t of the essence, Shanmugham has a cheaper alternative.

“I usually make coffee at home; I buy those coffee-made creamers to make my own pumpkin spice,” Shanmugham said.

Weaning yourself off your mid-exam caffeine cramming is also a serious issue. Caffeine withdrawal manifests in irritability, nervousness, restlessness and, in extreme cases, nausea, according to the Everydiet website.

There are some fun alternatives if you hate coffee. An Ars Technica writer tested caffeine soap. But issues were raised about the ability of caffeine molecules to be absorbed through skin. It was, however, an opportunity to shower.

So try to suck it up — whether its studying or writing one last page — before your slurp it up when it comes to caffeine.

And remember moderation never killed anyone; in fact, the antioxidant free radical fighting properties of caffeine are well documented.

Iona Holloway is a senior magazine and psychology dual major. Her roommate’s so dependent on Diet Coke that she’s as valuable to the company as its annual Santa advert. She can be reached at ijhollow@syr.edu.

Published on December 5, 2012 at 2:14 am