February. It’s cold, it’s sad and let’s be honest, it’s hard to spell. That’s saying something because I was born in Febaruary. Februhary 21st, mark your calendars! February combines my two least favorite things: Valentine’s Day and hard nipple-inducing cold weather (nothing against hard nipples, everything against cold weather). However, with this being my fourth February in Syracuse, I know a thing or two about getting through these difficult times.

The first step to getting through the next 27 horrible days is preparing yourself for Syracuse’s infamous weather. At risk of sounding like your mother, wear an effing hat. I don’t care if your friends make fun of you!

Did you know you lose most of your body heat through your head? Actually, that’s not true. But my mom told me that fact so many times it sounds real to me. To be honest, you should probably start wearing a hat everyday anyway. Your hairline is starting to kiss the back of your neck.

Another awesome way to avoid the winter weather is to never leave the comfort of your overpriced Syracuse apartment. No food? No problem. That’s why incels invented UberEats, dumbie. Life hack: you can’t slip on ice from your living room. You know what you can do? Watch other people fall from your window. Whoops, down goes your DoorDash driver! That fall is worth at least a $3 tip.

Let’s talk about the heart-covered pink elephant in the room. The real reason most people hate February: Valentine’s Day. Not only does the day itself suck, but the lead up to Valentine’s can really have you feeling #single. Who is Valentine’s Day’s most significant victim? We can all agree that title goes to CVS.

All I want to do is go to CVS for my weekly Plan B, but the aisles are littered in stuffed pink teddy bears that fart Hershey kisses when you squeeze them in the right place. Poor CVS—and poor me for that matter.

So, we’ve established that Valentine’s Day sucks. But what’s the best way to get through it? The day of, I try my best to stay off all social media. There is nothing that will have you saying “maybe I should text my ex” quite like seeing a happy couple on Instagram. Prove the boomers wrong, and delete the app for a day. That way you won’t wake up alone in your bed with an empty box of chocolates and 12 missed calls from Jacob (Tinder).

February’s tough on all of us, but it helps to remember what comes after winter. Spring! And with a Syracuse spring comes blue skies, green grass and a quad full of men in short-shorts. I don’t know about you, but to me, that sounds worth it.

Published on February 1, 2023 at 9:15 pm